What?

what is this feeling?
what is this pain?
pushing inside and outside
feeling and not feeling
all together, at the same time

what are the questions?
what are the solutions?
rolling around my mind
knowing and not knowing
all together, at the same time

am I blind or what?
as if in a glass prison
there mist stands across my eyes
cloudy and gloomy

am I deaf or what?
as if in a prison of my body
there lies only my inner voices
shut to the outside

am I dreaming or what?
what if the visions
I saw
what if the voices
I heard
I remember!
what are those?
that I created or not?
delusions?
no can not be
reality?
yes should be
I don't know
what to know
I don't know
what to feel
I just want somebody
to tell me the truth!
real truth!
there goes pain
from my mind to my soul
my heart bursts me down
I just want!
just want!
ENOUGH!

Esra KAYA, May 2008